Why do I care so much about what he said to me. But the truth in this matter is I do. You see he is or was meant to be family and there is something families are just not meant to say and do to each other. Yes your not always going to get all the time because that would never happen, but this time Its hurt me so much I have no idea what to do or say. I didn’t even do anything wrong and this is the point. You see it all kicked off with something so stupid and something I was not even awake for. All I have now is hurt and anger and I hate him at this moment in time. I have had some bad things in my life and hurd bad things said about me but this was way too much for me to hear and handle. I been having bad chest pains and even felt a bit panicky over it all. I wont go hospital though as I should be ok but not even my medication (beta blocker) is helping me. infact its like i not had it at all for a few days. Some people have been making excuses up for him saying it is his medical condition but this wasn’t this was something more like it was something he has wanted to say but didn’t and kept it and he just said it anyway yesterday and it hurt. It hurt like hell. I have helped him out a lot to recently with one thing or other without question and i have helped him in the past but its like its now been for nothing. He was just keeping me sweet so i never knew how he really felt about me. Well i can say i may not of understood some of the things he has said but i have always had respect for him but now its just gone all of it gone and not knowing what to do about it either is making me think that i am living in the wrong area. I should go home. But i moved with my hubby as it was something he wanted and we moved without even really thinking it through. I have not seen my family in over 18 months not even my dad and it is killing me not been able to see them. I miss them and just want to go and see them for a while, but i carnt. i don’t have money to go and see them when ever i like so i have to wait and i said to terry that i will move were he would hence the move. But once we did move i hated it. Dont get me wrong i did start to like it and even thought that living in Gloucester was going to be good then i decided to give it a chance. But it wasn’t and isnt in my heart to stay. I am only here so i can have my 3rd open heart op which is in Bristol and after who knows. i know i am going on a little but these are my feelings. you see the person says that i control terry (my hubby) like a puppet yet he trys and changes the way he looks and if that aint controll then i would love to know what is. and not just that terry is my full time carea for god sakes which this person knows all about. but dosent get us at all. he dont understand why we are together or how we work as a couple but we do. We love each other in so many ways. together terry and i make such a great team but put us in sepreate groups we are still good just not as good as we both know we can be. plus if we knew how we worked it just wouldnt work at all.
Right i will go for now carnt be bothered to write any more but will soon untill then speak soon everyone Cat xxx
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