letter to me sisters

This what I am about to write to you all is very hard for me to say, but its something i have to say.
Its hard cos your ment to be my family and help me and sitck by me through everything. Something that i feel that over
the past 4 years of living in gloucester. not once have you come to visit me at all yet all the time you lived in london
me and mum traveled down to see you sometimes for a month at a time and i missed out on alot of schooling cos of it.
I never complained about coming to see you infact i loved it and fell in love with london. yet when i moved down you ALL
promised you would visit me and come see me as oftern as you could. i could count the times i been up filey and thats 3
times. yet you still not been to see me i dont give a fook if its for a day or 2 at least you came. thats the first thing
Oh by they way when do you plan on coming when i am having my operation so it makes it look like you care and doing it out
duty well it aint good enough. infact if no one comes sees me before i have my op then do not expect me to ring or terry
for that matter i have told them all not to unles the worst happens but that aint gunna i am too bloody strong i have had to be
since its me on my own without mum and grandma apart from terry but this is all new to him i am scard what it will do to him
if the worst happens. i know none of you like him well it not you lot he married is it if it was then i would have summet
to say about it but to be honest he needs YOUR support too for fook sakes think of him if not me i have to all the time and
it gets me so down at times and makes me so depressed i hate myself. and as for greaving for mum and grandma still not happened
why is that you say well if i did then i wouldnt be here either, i have to be strong for so many people and i carnt do it
no more. and i need help and someone to bloody stop and think about ME,. or am i dreaming that it will happen.


secondly as much as i want to move back i carnt i am stuck as we are so much in debt we just have not the money to do it.
we have struggled so bloody much over the past year alone and its made me now having to use a bloody wheelechair. have
you any idea who bad that is for me having to go just round courner to asda to get a few bits. even then we dont eat much.
we just havent the money to eat and something has to give.
when you offered me money to come up that felt like a kick in the teeth to me all year we been struggling and now you offer.
do you have any idea how that bloody felt. the presents that kieran and alexander got for god sakes i was bloody jelouse all
we got was £20 of each of you and £100 of dad i would prefered without it. i have been so strong and bloody stubben to say whats
been happening down here well there you have it but that is not even the tip of the iceberg to be honest its alot worse
than that we are in debt by just over £2,500 all cos of our landlords. as we could not offored to be homeless even though we are
trying to take them to court we may still lose and if we did not only will we be homeless but we would be pennieless too.
thats most of whats happened and you think my year was a good year no even the new year is gunna me shit as it will just be the
same again anyway with another set of bills that comes in. you may read this and think god she gone on what can i do well you
carnt do bugger all as no one will help us but what if i did ask for help what then lets try HELP US PLEASE. im gunna go now cos
i have no energy to write no more.

THINK SISTERS IF THATS WHAT I AM WELL THEN BLOODY ACT LIKE IT WILL YOU AND FOR GOD SAKE THE WORLD DOSE NOT REVOLVED AROUND
YOU AND THERE IS MORE TO LIFE THAN FILEY AND SMALL MINDEDNESS. I DO LOVE YOU ALL BUT I CARNT GO ON LIKE THIS NO MORE I LEAVE
THAT WITH YOU THEN

OH HAPPY NEW YEAR AND MERRY CHRISTMAS AS THIS MAY BE THE LAST WE SPEAK AS YOU WILL HATE ME AND NEVER WANNA SPEAK TO ME AGAIN
WELL LEAST I WILL HAVE MY ANSWER THEN.

Housing 14/12/2011

Housing

Well what can I say about housing problems. Well alot to be honest with you. Lets just
call it council landlord were i live who are a bunch of twits. Well I shall fill you in. This
may not be suitable for everyone so please beware of this and I am not going to name the said
Landlords. Everythinh I am writing now is fact and none of this is made up. Right then lets begin,
it all started when we got a form through the post to have a review of our housing benefit. This
was dated in 2009. Only 4 months AFTER we moved into our little 1 bed flat. Well we filled it out
again and sent in what was needed to be ev idanc e of income etc, etc. Then a few weeks later we
was still without rent which was strange as we thought everything was fine, clearly it wasn't.
My Father in law rang up our local housing benefit and asked what the hold up was. They stated to him
that they was still waiting for the payment direct form off our Landlord to be returned to them. So he then
rang up the people and said that the hold up was on their end as they had not sent in the
relevent form for them to recive housing benefit. They said that they would sort it out and we left it at that.
10 weeks later after the form was sent we started to get our benefit back which was good. Well we
thought it was. Anyway our landlord said that we was now in rent arreas well not surpriesed there
due to the fact we had no benefit in place. the rent arreas amouted up to around £700 so we came up with a payment plan
and started to pay it off. Well we thought we was ok and everything was fine. One day we could not pay
our arreas off as we had a massive bill that  came in and we was only on £55.55 a week which £10.00 of would of
gone to them. Well we rang them and said it was fine as long as we made the amount back up the following week. Which we did.
How ever this was not the last of it and it got so out of hand that they took us to court. Well the landlord stated we
did not have to go as it wasn't important and with my health problems we decided not to go. Bad move we made there.
It was a bad move that was going to cost us big time. Now tat we went court they said we could pay £5.00 a week which is
all we could pay been on bloody benefits hate them all. Well we got a new figure now and added court costs which now comes to
just over £1000. yes you saw that right over £1000. Which we was shocked about at first but thought nothing of it.
Well we started to pay it and it started to go down slowly thank god. But then we got a letter though the post
saying that our landlord wanted to come and have a chat about things.


Well when She came we let her in and everything was going fine. As it was near christmas of 2009 we asked if we could have
a break with paying and restart at the beginging of the year. She said yes thats fine aslong as you start to repay it back by 10th
Jan 2010. Which we did. That year we thouht they was been kind but little did we know that by the time the 10th Jan came around the rent arreas
went up again and it went back to just over £900. which was a very big shock to us. How can something increase like that so much in little time
it was only 2 weeks we went without paying the arreas off for the christmas period. Well i rang up the
head office and demanded to see housing rent statment from what we paid since the benefits restarted.
Well they did send them and everything looked ok and we could not figure out why or how it increased when it shouldn't of done.
Anyways we said nothing of it and paid anyways as we thought well we must owe it.


A month or two later we got another rent statment off them only this time it read diffrent the money we been paying
was not showing like we had not been paying them. Well we got another letter thought the post and again
our housing officer was going to come for a chat.
To Be Continued Sorry was way to late for more.

My own story Of Truncus arteriosus type 1

http://www.facebook.com/groups/chdandproudtobe/

Me and My C H D

My name is Catherine d’Alquen I was born on 24th February 1984. It wasn’t until my mum carol Coates took me to see the G.P for my 6 week check up that he found something not quite right with me. A few days later my G.P at the time Dr. Garnet of Filey surgery referred me to a specialist team at Scarborough hospital were my mum and dad William Coates too me to see Dr. Stanton and Dr. Dickinson. Cardiologists‘. While I was there they did some further tests on me and found out I had a congenital heart defect Known as Truncus Arteriosus. They quite simply told my parents part of my heart was under developed.
Of course my mum and dad had been devastated and had never herd of any of this before, and wanted to know how it would effect me and what would happen. I not sure what they must have been thinking of as they had never herd of a chd or even the name of it. 

The question my parents asked was what is it. Well Truncus Arteriosus is characterized by a large ventricular septal defect over which a large, single great vessel (Truncus) arises. It occurs when the two large arteries carrying blood away from the heart don’t form properly and one large artery is present instead. This single great vessel carries blood both to the body and to the lungs. This artery (the Truncus) sits over a large opening or hole in the wall between the two pumping chambers (ventricular septal defect). As you can see this was a rather a lot for my parents to understand. 

A few weeks later I went to a hospital in Leeds called Killingbeck Hospital and saw a surgeon there Dr. Duncan Walker who would perform my first open heart surgery. By now I was going on for 7 months old. Duncan Walker explained that the operation had only been done in America before and some were not successful as you may know. But despite all this my parents took the chance and so at . 

My first open heart surgery 21/11/1984 was set and it would take 8 hours. I was the first baby in England to survive open- heart micro surgery operation at the t age of just eight-and-a-half months old. I am known as the miracle baby and went down in medical history. 

By the time I reached the age of 8 years old on the 4/01/1993 I needed another open heart operation has the conduit had started to fur up and needed to be replaced, of Corse at the time it was quite straight forward operation so we went back to killing beck were Duncan Walker who was now a Mr. Duncan Walker did my second operation. All was fine and I left 0 days later. How ever there was a problem and had to be rushed back to killing beck and needed to have a cist removed that had grown above my operation scar so I went back in to theatres to have it sorted out. But there was a lot more to come and nothing could of predicted what would of happened. I started to get infections and was put in a side room just a little bigger than a box bedroom, were I spent the next 3 and a half months in that one room with just a TV. I was not allowed out of the room as my immune system shut down and I would pick up the slightest bug or infection. There is a time I remember when I had 4 doctors all sitting on my chest as I began to haemorrhage very badly from my scar as the had to leave it open for the infection. The only way I can describe it is like rice krispys popping. By now I only weighed 4 stone and was given ensure to build me up. Also I was given morphine and other antibiotics to try and kill off the infection which I had for 22 hours a day slowly been put through my body. By now my 9th birthday had been and gone and all the nurses and doctors got me a cake. I was allowed out of the room for an hour just for my birthday. By the time it was 3 and a half months into my hospital stay I was allowed back onto ward 7 which I still remember and I started to help look after a 2 yr old boy called Nathan Dobson who was a very sweet little boy and was only allowed to biscuits a day but he could never say it used to call the spice and if he wanted a lolly it was loll. By the time I got out of hospital I had been in there for 4 and a half months. 

Well what about my school you may ask. I always went to a normal school never went into a special school or anything like that as my mum and dad wanted me to have a normal school life. Which I had and hated by time I got into year 9. I was bullied a lot and some of it wasn’t because of my heart condition but the way I looked. I hid my self away. By the time year 10 came up my bullying got so bad I started to say I wasn’t well or I just didn’t go. Anything but not go to school. Only reason I went back was so my mum and dad would not get in trouble. I could never tell the teachers as they never believed it and needed wittiness but no one would stand up for me and I started to make my self ill by throwing up and got very bad depression. By the time I was 16 I left I did my exams but never went up till then. Only went for my exams. 
My life now, well I am married now to terry who is my best friend lover husband and enemy all in one but I love him, as he loves me for who I am. I have my dogs sandy and sheppy and me cat alfie and they are all I need. But terry looks after me the best he can and has been there for me since my mum died 3 yrs ago. My mum and grandma were the ones who stayed with me in hospital as my dad looked after my 2 sisters. So my biggest supporters have both gone and I am very thankful for terry. I left Filey were I grew up with terry to live in Gloucester to be near his dad Charlie and it’s the best move I have ever made.

Merry Christmas

Hey all i am just doing a very quick blog today. 5th December nearly that time of year again Christmas is now fast approaching us now. Hope things are right and hope we not forgotten anything, these are  a few things that go on through people's heads the lead up to Christmas day.  All the family gathering again maybe some will fall out maybe someone will say the wrong thing and just maybe things could go very well. 

Yet there is always something in the air that awaits us on this day of all days that when all is said and done its just another year and another year nearly over.

I know i am going on a little like normal but its true someone somewhere always thinks about these and forgets what Christmas is all about. Some may even have their own religious belives going on as well as all of the above but do we ever stop and think what Christmas is about.

Family, friends, maybe going church, eating a big dinner and getting merry and some even opening presents. But while i am saying this no one is really listening as Christmas is on its way and people forget what its all about.

Christmas for me.

Well for me Christmas to me is all about family and getting together with those who i love. surrounded by them that love the full festivities. Eating as much food as we all can and enjoying each others company. Or at least it used to be. Since my mum died Christmas just is not the same and doesn't seem to have the same meaning as it used to. Yes i have me hubby and me animals around me but not any of my family side. My hubby's family is about a mile away so this year we decided to have our own Christmas and enjoy each others company surrounded by our animals. Even animals should have a bit of Christmas. This year we don't have much money but one thing i don't want presents at all unless my dad and my sister's came down to Gloucestershire and enjoy Christmas here with us but this wouldn't happen. so that's my Christmas wish and what i want so my hubby and i will make this Christmas extra special and enjoy it just the two of us and the animals too.

Hope you all have a great Christmas everyone and i shall write again soon. Love Cat xxxx

Mama's Christmas Surprise

Esther raced into the house and dropped her books on the kitchen table. Then she saw the big J.C. Penney's catalog with the plain brown wrapper. "Oh!" she said excitedly, "Mama's Wish Book! This year you are going to get the gloves you want, Mama! No more wearing your chore gloves to church," she snorted, knowing Mama was outside helping daddy with the milking. Esther had baby sat for a neighbor and saved her allowance all year to get Mama these gloves. 


Esther waited impatiently for sleep, until she no longer heard her parents talking. The cuckoo clock chimed 11:00. She padded quietly down the wooden steps and into the living room. She quickly scooped up the catalog lying next to Mama's favorite chair. She hurried back up the stairs, trying to be quiet, hoping no one heard her. 


She crawled into bed and yanked the covers over her head. She pulled the flashlight from under her pillow. She prayed that the gloves were there. The gloves that Mama wouldn't buy for herself, because they had had a tough time on the farm the last couple of years. Tears stung her eyes when she saw the gloves, the very same ones that she'd heard her Mama say to Daddy, "Maybe someday, I'll get them."


Esther flipped to the order sheet and read, "Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery." She flashed the light on the calendar. Christmas Eve was exactly 8 weeks from tomorrow. The order had to go in the mail in the morning. 


Mama would notice an order sheet was gone, so Esther tore a sheet of paper from her school notebook. She neatly wrote the information about the gloves. Esther knew why her parents had told her math was so important. She figured the tax and postage and tucked it in an envelope. 


The next day, Esther watched from her upstairs window, as the cloud of dust approached the lane leading up to their house. She ran out the back door, running just as fast as she could, hoping Mama didn't hear or see her. When Mr. Nichols saw Esther, he pulled his jeep over to the side. "Esther, are you all right?" he asked worriedly. "Yes, I am fine," she said out of breath, but I need to buy a stamp, without Mama seeing me," she said, as she handed him the exact change. 


"Umm, J.C. Penney's," said Mr. Nicholas, as he read the address on the envelope Esther handed to him. 


"Yes, but please don't tell her. It's a Christmas gift for Mama. It's our secret, O.K?"


With a twinkle in his eye, she watched as Mr. Nicholas' belly shook and his cheeks turned red. She hadn't realized how white his beard was until now. In fact, he reminded her of Santa Claus. 


As Esther walked back up the lane, she knew she had to tell Daddy her secret. "You've got to get the mail every day," said Esther quietly, to her dad, as she helped with the milking chores. 


"And why might that be?" asked Daddy, with a big grin. 


"I have a package coming for Mama and she can't see it."


Every day Esther came home from school, she peeked at Daddy when Mama wasn't looking and he shook his head. As the days turned into weeks, Christmas approached quickly. They cut down a tiny Christmas tree in the back pasture and hung a bright yellow star Grandma had made at the top. Mama popped popcorn and then they strung it in a chain and looped it around the tree. Mama carefully unwrapped all of the homemade ornaments she had made and collected over the years and hung them up on the branches. Christmas Eve arrived and Daddy came back from the mailbox empty handed. 


Esther had a tummy ache when she went to bed, because she had nothing to give Mama. She knew Mama would be up late sewing her gifts to put under the Christmas tree. 


"Thank you for making this dress, Mama," she said, as she opened the package. "I love it!" She ran to kiss her Mama and hug her. "I'm just so sorry I don't have anything for you."


"That's O.K., Esther. I have you and your Daddy. I don't need any more than that!"


As Mama pulled the apple pies from the oven, Esther began setting the table for Christmas dinner. Then they heard someone pulling up the driveway. Everyone went to the window and saw Mr. Nicholas making his way to the kitchen door, with a package in his hand. 


"That has to be Mama's glo..." said Esther, before she realized what she was saying. "Glorious surprise," she finished, quickly.


Mr. Nickolas handed Mama the package. "I believe this is yours," he said with a twinkle in his eye. 


Mama looked from Daddy to Esther. She opened the package Mr. Nicholas had given her. Her eyes lit up when she saw the gloves. "Oh, my goodness!" she exclaimed. 


"Who's responsible for these?"


"I'd say Santa is," said Esther. "If he hadn't brought the package on Christmas Day, you wouldn't have gotten them."


"Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas!" said Mr. Nicholas, with a belly laugh. 


It was a Christmas that no one would ever forget. 

Avoidance 20/11/2011

You can always tell when some one is avoiding you. Weather they speak to you or not. Or if you have had a difference of opinion  or had an argument with them or someone they know. Well thats what I can see and feel when I am talking about a certain someone. I will not name them as it not right to but for sake of argument i shall call this person Sam. Now I choose this name as it can be male or femail, but in this what I am wrting now is more to do with a woman. I never really get on well with people of the same sex as myself. Maybe cos I know how bad us women can be or can get but its more to do with trust. I tend to not trust them and I will or may say about this some other time. At the moment this is not that time. Sorry. Anyways back to what i was saying. 


Well for the last few days Sam has been going off facebook when i do and when i go off Sam goes back on. Ok i may be slightly paranoid here but bear with me a second and I will explain further. A few weeks ago I had an argument with a close friend of mine and we have since made up and each said sorry. Even though I did mean every word of it. Sometimes better out than in and that helped I think. Anyways since we was not speaking we didn’t speak or communicate on facebook like we do everyday. (this person is not part of my family) so as we was not speaking Sam’s partner decided to not speak to me which is fine and everything not that i get on with him and I think he is a bit of a knob head at times. Anyway since we have now made up and started to speak again even though it feels a little bit fake more there side than mine but still anyways, he has started to avoide me and not speak to me at all. We did talk on and off about a few things and as she is my friends partner I was friendly and nice as I am with most people I meet or come across. You see they are making it way to obvious that they are doing it as even when I spoken on the phone there no feeling like there was. But anyways what is bugging me about it is they know I can tell and how it looks and His partner Sam will start to notice at some point and I know that once they notice they will stop but with him i don’t think he will stop you see,. I know he has some sort of deep rooted feeling about me and no i don’t mean sexually or anything like that more of i am a problem and I don’t go away and i help out with Sam as much as i can. Lend money when She is short or even when he is short but it just makes me so mad and annoyed that they can be so bloody petty about it all. It was not long ago that I had a big fall out with my hubby’s dad but we are speaking and everything but even there is something deep rooted about how he truly feels about me and everything to say the things he did said that and speaks volumes and this is why I know that  Sam’s partner is now avoiding me there is always something there when they come out with things you know they would never say. (not unless they was a good friend anyways) and I know that Sam dont really care about me to be honest and in a way i dont think i do with her either. thats why i can feel that something somewere is wrong and i will end up finding out and that will probly push me away and this would make me decide that yes enough is enough and i am not going to put up with it and move on,. and i dont think they would belive me or it until i did and i shall tell you that i would do it and move on as it will be it and it will push me that far that i no longer care and will stop doing everything i do for them. weather it money or just been there to chat cos it not fair on me, my hubby when i take it out on him when it not his fault and it not fair on them and i wont put myself in that place anymore and do what is right and move. I already have plans to move back North again anyways and i would probley end up moving back there and maybe not in Scarborough were people will think maybe York or Hull but i dont think Scarborough or Filey or any small place. Hey trust me I hate Gloucester but i dont hate it enough to move that close to scarborough as i would feel suffocated so i would compromise on that little bit and York aint to bad anyways.





Anyways i think that is enough of me ramberling on for now and will leave you. If your confused after reading this then hey so am i and i am the one writing it but the way my head works at times its a wonder i know how to breath or get dressed or even know how to get out bed in the mornings (well afternoons) but thats me and my head and i dont think that will stop any time soon,. Hey let me know if it does when i do more and more of these little snippet of things i write about you can let me know about it lol anyways take care everyone and i will write again soon





Love Cat xxx

Complicated 12/11/2011

Life seems complicated at times and other times its not. For me life is what you make of it and what you want out of it. After all its you and only you who can say if it was worth it or not. There is many a time its been complicated for me and sometimes I ask myself why but the only thing is I make it complicated myself. when you dont need it to be.

I make thinks complicated when it comes to having needles. Yes I know I need them at times so the doctors can help and make sure they know what they are looking for but its not always that easy. I have always been surrounded by needles doctors hospitals and dare i say it men in white coates. No I don’t mean a mental hospital although at times I am sure I needed one at some point but I am me and me alone and I am sure they would kick me out after a day.  People say to me stop been a baby or stop been stupid but if most of them have or had been what I have I am sure they would say the same thing. In fact they would.  I also make things complicated at home sometimes, I am not an easy person to live with hey who is but well I do my own head in at times. But home is home for me only problem is recently I do not feel like Gloucester is my home, I am not saying North Yorkshire is either but I know in my heart Gloucester is not my home as I never felt welcome or right. At the time we made the choice to move away and now I can see it was a wrong move. But that is life and you have to make best with what you have.

The only thing that is not complicated by me is my little family. My hubby and animals. They are my little family so that is home for me they make me happy and even stop me from going completly mad.  I love what Terry does for me you see he is not just my hubby he is my best friend and he is always there for me, even when people hate it we will always be together like I always say to them or at least in my head is well it not you I married it is Terry so that’s not my problem its your own. I know I have faults everyone does but i try. I try and do things for myself and this is something that people do not see. Either they do not want to see it or they just dont understand me. Which sometimes is a good thing. I dont want everyone to understand me but i know in my own heart that Terry does and that’s all that matters there.

My animals complet my little family, you can talk to them about anything and they never tell anyone. Sometimes when I do talk to them its like they know what I mean and they do not even have to tell me what they think. Animals are funny things they show their love in so many ways and diffrent ways. Take my sandy for example a whippit cross who has had a bad start in her early doggy years but since we have had her she has come on so much and she is so cheeky and full of spirt. She loves to be near you as long as I know I have my sandy I will always have the special bond we share as we understand each other in ways others can maybe see from a distance. I understand Sandy like she does me. Then there is sheppy a Jack Russle cross who is so loyal and loves to be with you all the time. He dose not like to be on his own for long as he hates it he likes to be in the thick of things either at myside or Terry’s side. thats our sheppy you see. He always sits outside the bathroom door when ever I go for a bath as he know from since he was a puppy to watch me and he always goes to Terry if I am in trouble or find it tough getting out of the bath,. You see its just the way our animals are the love to be near and care for us. Both loyal in their own ways and have so many cheeky bits that people do not see which is disapointing as they can not see why the dogs do not react to them as much as what they would with me or Terry and given a chance they would show a little bit of their cheeky sides. They also know when to be quiet or when we have important people coming to be very good and act cute which we find is funny which we know they are not always like it but makes people think that awww feeling about them both,.

Anyway like I said my life is complicated and always will be but only when you understand me and take the time to get to know me properly they maybe you will understand or other people will understand how i work and how i make it work. Bit of advice that my mum used to say is problem = solution other words if there is a problem there is always a solution to fix it somehow.

Until i Write again take care